it was almost forever since i’ve last set foot in that world– the world of freedom every people of my frustration dreams about. it was almost forever since i’ve felt the yearning for a niche i could belong to. this is the night, this is the time. yesterday is going… going… gone… forever… like the forever two days ago…
something’s missing
this is the most fucking special day of my life– my 18th birthday
all seemed great– very, very great
but something’s missing–
money and sex
yeah those are the hallow parts of my life
but i don’t care
the people i love the most did not greet me
somehthing’s missing
someone’s missing 
are you that pathetic to abuse the little one?
nevertheless, don’t let yourself be seen by my angry eyes.
if you will, face the consequences, fucker…
nanalo si shinji, karen, at finney sa quiz contest namin– blitzkrieg.
happy kami.
may pang-inom kami.
bumili kami ng granma at coke.
naglakad kami papuntang apartment nila shinji.
uminum kami.
happy talaga. humabolk si jp, pam, at carlo.
uminum kami.
nagkwentuhan.
naggaguhan.
may aso nga rin palang umunta– si bamba.
happy kami.
sobra.
ako basta happy ako.
edi ‘yun nga, happy kami.
tapos naubos na ‘yung binili naming dalawang rounds ng granma.
nalungkot kami.
muntik nang pumatak ‘yung luha ko.
buti na lang baliw na si jp at nanglibre ng isa pang round.
bumili kami.
happy nanaman. bwahahaha
ito namang si jp.
nabitin nanaman dun sa 3rd round.
bumili uli kami ng pang-apat na bote.
tangna
haha
oo
happy uli kami.
muntik nanmg pumatak ‘yung luha ko. 
e ‘di ‘yun.
nakatulog na ang lahat.
kami na lang ni jp ang naglalaban.
gago talaga ‘yun.
yapos nag-inum na kami ni jp
kasama nga pala du n ‘yung pride namin.
haha
pataasan ng ihi e
as usual, happy kami.
e ‘di inum na nga
tapos bumangon si pam
kinuha ‘yung bote namin
e nanghihina na ako nun
kaya natulog na lang ako sa may carpet
sa paanan ni jp
maya-maya
nagsusuka na si jp
pinupunasan ni pam ‘yung suka niya
tsktsk
(wala akong gustong i-imply c:)
like, eeeeew
nung nagsuka siya, naalimpungatan ako
ayan, nainggit ‘yung sikmura ko
nagsirko rin siya
bwahahaha
tapos nung papunta na si jp sa CR
ako naman si bitchera
inunahan ko siya sa banyo ahahhaha
e nasusuka na ako e
weheheheh
tapos ‘yun
hehe
umuwi na kami pero hardcore hang-over ang drama namin weeee
every day of my life has always been ho-hum. i feel only monotony and shit. damn it.
ha fuck is a fuck. it is supposed to be nothing serious. many conservative hypocrites see it as something wrong. well, hell to them. as if they don’t feel any lust themselves. hypocrites. anyway, a fuck is a fuck. nothing serious. however, why do i feel this way? i feel so goddamn angry. so angry i could kill someone. i could. a fuck should be something happy as it is the celebration of two lusty spirits’ intertwining for a several minutes. it’s supposed to be a happy occasion. but why do i feel so gaddamn angry? dammit!
it’s that goddamn thing called LOVE– oh, i mean FUCK.
Damn it! another drinking session bade farewell to yesterday as it welcomes today’s dawn with the drunken haze from the breath of Bacchus. I don’t know. It felt so damn weird. Was it the ambiance? Was it my company? Was it my mood? I do not know. Damn it! Shet! It felt very weird because it seemed like I wasn’t affected by the damn alcohol as much as I was, well yesterday. Hehehe. I just can’t believe that my alcohol tolerance would be that strong. It seems to be too good to be true. I dunno. I still can get over the fact that such resistance to Dionysus is possible. Weeeeee
Anyway, I have a deeper shit to excrete. Hehehe. We drank last night at Migs, Tinay, and Gino’s apartment unit. They were my ex-officemates way back when I still write for the publication. The hell, I miss them. This morning, I appreciated them like shit hell. Damn! I almost cried. It was then that I realized that it wasn’t really of service why I stayed in the paper for so long despite facing the lowest of lows of my erotic passion for writing. I stayed because I love these fucking assholes like they were my fuck buddies. I loved them like hell. And it was this morning that I realized that I still love them like burning hell, even more. Well, as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. If only they could see my "figurative heart," they would see the whole apartment unit entirely filled by my fat, fond heart. Damn those people! Curse them! How dare they attach themselves to my heart! Now, I feel bad for leaving! Go to hell, Perspective People!
pansol
gsm blue
videoke
they
chit-chat
tipsiness
smoke
laughs
NEW RESPONSIBILITY
ENJOYMENT
APPRECIATION
PRIDE <?>
LOVE <?>
APPRECIATION
ENJOYMENT
NEW RESPONSIBILITY
laughs
smoke
tipsiness
chit-chat
US
videoke
gsm blue
pansol
i hate realizations
i hate seeing proofs of my stupidity and close mind
it was mitch’s debut party at BF Homes. No! It was the aftermath. After having drunk some– well, more than "some"– brandy, Jenie and I, together with Regie, were taken to Jenie’s house to rest at last. On the way to their house, I’ve seen a group of teenage guys having a videoke party.
At Jenie’s house:
Kim Shet gusto ko mag-videoke <near to wastedeness>
Jenie Gusto ko pa ng alcohol <wasted>
<I’m not actually sure who brought up the idea, but i think it was me>
Jenie Kilala ko ‘yung nag-paparty
Kim Tara!
Jenie Kaya ko ‘yun gawin. Pigilan n’yo ako
Kim Tara!
And that was it. We gate-crashed into a party where no one knows me, putting Jenie and her family at the spotlight. It was okay at first, we were warmly welcomed. But later, Jenie began screaming. And I cannot control the coconut rum <tuba> in her.
tangina
ayoko na magmoda e. pero anghirap. abnoy na ata ako e. antagal ko nang hindi umiiyak. sobrang tagal. dati masaya ako dahil hindi ako umiiyak. feeling ko antibay ng loob ko. weee
ngayon, tangina. kelangan pala umiyak sa buhay. anghirap. walang outlet ang mga angas ko sa loob. ‘di ko mailabas kaya sa blog na lang. fuckshit. ansakit talaga. nipon na ata lahat ng galit ko sa loob ko. kung makikita mo ‘yon, mas malaki pa siya sa akin. tangina. ansakit. mabubulok ata ako kasama nito e.
sabi ni bona malaking tilong daw ang pag-iyak. gusto ko rin sana. pero tangina pano ba? ansakit-sakit. anghapdi na ewan. nanghihina na ako. gusto ko umiyak. :’(
